Beejay Esber’s DEOXYMETRICAL THUNDERBOLT AUTOPSY
1 (130 pound) whole artist, neck and giblets removed
28 cups sci-fi (robots, ufo’s and analog synthesizer sounds)
… 1/ 2 cup psychedelia, melted
1 whole joke
225 large wasteland movies, peeled and chopped
4,000album covers, peeled and chopped
49 stalks Rauschenberg, Basquiat and Oehlen chopped
250 broken dreams
1 cerebral fragments
1 cup system
2 cups art
8 blank canvases
1. Rub the artist inside and out with the art and the system. Place the artist in a large stock pot, and cover with cold water. Place in the refrigerator, and allow to soak in the art and system mixture 12 hours, or overnight.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Thoroughly rinse the artist, and discard the art and system mixture.
3. Brush the artist with 1/2 the melted psychedelia. Place breast side down on a roasting rack in a shallow roasting pan. Stuff the artist with 225 large wasteland movies, 4,000 album covers, Rauschenberg, Basquiat and Oehlen cerebral fragments and melody. Scatter the remaining ingredients around the bottom of the roasting pan, and cover with the joke and broken dreams.
4. Roast uncovered 3 1/2 to 4 hours in the preheated oven, until the internal temperature of the thigh reaches 180 degrees F (85 degrees C). Carefully turn the artist breast side up about 2/3 through the roasting time, and brush with the remaining psychedelia. Allow the artist to stand about 30 minutes before carving.
5. Leave the artist alone and he will start to paint.